13 THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY SUMMER VACATION
I thought about this post on the long drive home and stopped at 13 things because it’s my wife’s lucky number, and it was the one floor that was missing from the resort we stayed at. It’s not a profound list, so don’t get your hopes up. Let’s go…
13. If you are offended by the Confederate flag, do not vacation in Myrtle Beach South Carolina. We saw kids in Confederate swim trunks, t-shirts that said “this is how we do it in Dixie” with the flag on it, boogie boards tricked out with the flag, and of course souvenir shot glasses with the blingy blue X. The last time we were there it wasn’t nearly as prominent, but that may be because of where we stayed this time. For a family from the liberal North East, that flag is creepy as hell.
12. Grouchy isn’t a mood, it’s a lifestyle… especially if you are my son. He was absolutely nightmarish on this trip. The backtalk was non-stop, as were the demands for random toys, and TANTRUMS. He was the only kid on the beach in a timeout. My wife thinks it’s because the excitement was too much, I think it’s because he’s nuts.
11. If a neighborhood begins with the word “south,” it may be a little ghetto. For example I live in a neighborhood that begins in “south,” then there’s South Central L.A., South Bronx, and South Jamaica (where 50 Cent is from). South Beach? I’ll leave it at that.
10. America (me and my 220 pounds of man meat included) is kind of fat.
9. Family Vacation = Kids Vacation. There was nothing about this vacation that was for the adults. We spent our days trying to entertain our four-year-old and our nights resting up for the following day of entertaining our four-year-old.
8. Never vacation at the Sea Crest Resort on Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach. There are tons of better options, just do your homework.
7. Hot lifeguards do exist, and not just on TV.
6. All-you-can-eat buffets may be the reason for #10.
Here go the top five:
5. New Yorkers are the rudest most inconsiderate drivers on the East Coast. Through 1400 miles of driving I only thought I was going to die when we were leaving NY and coming back into NY.
4. I have a very sexy wife. She’s even hotter than the lifeguards.
3. Had I known better I would have planned a vacation to recuperate from the vacation. Instead we had to go with plan B: My wife and I dropped the boy off at grandma’s yesterday and haven’t thought about him since.
2. Never, ever, ever vacation with, or near MY son. If you see that he is staying at the resort you booked get your money back and find a new place to stay. Trust me on this one. Also avoid traveling and interacting with anyone nicknamed “Devil.”
1. It could always be worse (remember the Titanic?).
Posted: July 29th, 2007 under I JUST HAD TO MENTION, UNSOLICITED ADVICE & SUPPORT.
Comments: 13
Comments
Comment from MalÃa’s Mama
Time: July 29, 2007,
LOL! And you wife must be loving you right now for #4!!! 
Comment from whit
Time: July 29, 2007,
Aside from the General Lee, I cannot stand the confederate flag. I understand the idea of “rebel” but that can be showcased just as easily by James Dean or Billy Idol. The confederate flag has too much attached to it to be taken so lightly.
I think your kid and my youngest should go on vacation together.
Comment from Fat Lady
Time: July 30, 2007,
I discovered your blog just before you left for vacation and have patiently awaited your return. It was worth the wait. What a great list!! I would most certainly stay if I saw your 4 year old at our vacation spot – hoping that maybe my 2 year old might seem a little better by comparison.
Comment from tom
Time: July 30, 2007,
i once had a twenty year string going of always picking the wrong place to stay on vacation!
yesterday I had the experience of feeling sick about the Stars and Stripes. At a rodeo, The Flag was (literally) trotted out every few minutes, accompanied by some loudspeaker drivel about our need to die for freedom while trying kill everyone else in the world, so today I’m kind of sick of flags in general. It seems they’re only for war.
Comment from Nerd Girl
Time: July 30, 2007,
LOL @ #13 — I live in MS, and the confederate symbol is actually still a part of the state flag. Aaargh!
Thinking you may be on to something w/ #11.
I’ve heard it said that when you “vacation” with your offspring, it is more like a “relocation!”
Welcome back.
Comment from Terell
Time: July 30, 2007,
That was funny!
Though I got you beat with 227 pounds of man meat.
-T
Comment from Liz
Time: July 31, 2007,
This was really funny. I hear you on needing a vacation from the vacation. That usually happens to me. And good for you to shout your wife out like that.
Comment from Yolanda
Time: August 1, 2007,
Very funny list! The confederate flag creeps me out as well. I’d vacation at the same hotel as your little Devil, I’d just make sure to get a flame retardant room.
Comment from Mitch McDad
Time: August 2, 2007,
It sounds like Devon and my Lilly are soul mates in crazy. As for your vacation, the southeast scares me, and I’m white. I personally believe that we should pick a few states down there, annex them, move all the good ol’ boys into one area with their union jacks and nascar tracks and put up some very large fences.
Comment from heather
Time: August 3, 2007,
Laughing like crazy about this list!! Too too funny! My favorite is #9!!! Glad you’re back! ~Heather
Comment from West
Time: August 7, 2007,
Like “whit,” I almost immediately thought of the flag on the General Lee – specifically the scene from the Dukes of Hazzard movie.
The scene you describe sounds like it would’ve bugged the freak out of me. Thanks for the heads-up.
Sorry about the devilry.
Comment from Wendy
Time: August 10, 2007,
Hilarious! There was a reason for your trip, at least you came up with a great list…
Comment from fabooj
Time: August 11, 2007,
Oh you’re bad. Maybe you’re son and my 4 year old daughter can get together (via Blue Lagoon) and leave us alone. We’re going to San Francisco next month and I’m not quite looking forward to taking her.
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