READY… AIM…
Last night it dawned on my wife that living with guys is nothing like living with ladies. She lived with her mother and sister for most of her life and had no clue what it would be like to live in an apartment where she is outnumbered by dudes. Now as our boy grows and matures she’s starting to see what she’s in for. We pick our noses, fart and laugh about it, belch and try to make the other guy smell it, and are generally amused by our pudgy bellies. My wife joins in on occasion, commenting on stinky breath and smelly feet in her adorable playful way, but aside from that it’s a house of testosterone. The wife can deal with most of the boy stuff, except for one: bad aim.
I was well into my teens before I cared about my aim, so I let the wife know that she had a long way to go before the toilet seat would be regularly dry. I lived with three brothers, so I learned quickly to not plop down onto the toilet without running a few sheets of TP over it, or better yet, making sure it was there. My mother understood the rules too, but she sometimes forgot. And we all knew when she failed to follow the unspoken rules of living with boys because she would yell out “who peed all over the toilet seat?” or “I fell in!” Ahh, the good ol’ days.
Now it’s Devin’s mother’s turn to enjoy raising a boy, though he’s a little bit of a special case. Over the last few weeks we’ve had some bizarre late night encounters with the boy. He’s really good at getting up at night and going to the bathroom. Nine out of 10 times he goes without incident, which is awesome.
Then there’s the one in ten.
We have watched him walk into the hall, turn around go back into his bedroom, then pee on his pillow while standing alongside his bed – all with his eyes closed. We had to redirect him and send him to the bathroom because he was so confused and tired. We’ve had to drag him out of the kitchen for the same reason. But the real issue is that in the bathroom he pees everywhere when he’s half sleep, and he pees just about everywhere when he’s wide awake. We have a rug that we may have to burn. As a father, and a former offender, I have promised that this weekend I will work on aim with my son. It’s the least I can do.
Posted: August 15th, 2007 under AAD ON MOTHERS, DO YOU REMEMBER....
Comments: 14
Comments
Comment from Lori
Time: August 15, 2007, 9:31 pm
I’ve heard that having the kid aim at something, like a Cheerio or two helps (LOL). Never had that particular problem with my son. But a nephew of mine . . . I used to hate to have him use the bathroom at our house. I think everytime he went in he just decided to hose everything down for the sheer heck of it. Boys! (smile)
Comment from West
Time: August 15, 2007, 10:39 pm
Poor thing.
re: aiming
I haven’t lived with other dudes for a hot minute, but if movie theater restrooms are any indication, there’s not much hope for us, men.
Comment from whit
Time: August 16, 2007, 1:29 am
Ha! My oldest does that sleeping while peeing thing too. He’s peed in the trashcan, or if I’ve moved him since he fell asleep, like from the couch to his bed, he might wander in the dark to the wrong room altogether.
As far as the aiming thing goes, don’t women understand that sometimes it’s just out of our hands. Sometimes you’re all lined up and ready to go and the pee wants to do some skywriting first. It’s not our fault.
Comment from Matthew
Time: August 16, 2007, 8:06 am
Aaaah, those bonding moments with your son. Cherish this moment.
But I agree with Whit, we have to start a Informational Campaign about how sometimes we just can’t control where it’s going.
Comment from Yolanda
Time: August 16, 2007, 11:06 am
It may be cruel and selfish but I have a girl restroom that no boys are allowed in period. And I do mean NONE! Since I’m the one that gets on hands and knees to scrub all 4 of the toilets (and all of the misses) every week I think I’m entitled to a single bathroom that I can depend on at all times 
Comment from plez…
Time: August 16, 2007, 7:40 pm
HA HA HA… that is the funniest thing i’ve read in a long time. i grew up in a house with my father and three older brothers… so that makes FIVE guys pissing all over the seat and the floor of the bathroom! my mother insisted that we leave the seat up AND she just knew that she had to drop the seat before she dropped her… well, you know.
when i got married, the FIRST RULE of the house was to always leave the toilet seat down… and it was NEVER left down when i was growing up (for the FIVE reasons mentioned above)! my wife would have an absolute FIT if she even walked by the bathroom and the seat was up. i was always hoping that i would have 2 or 3 sons who would help break her from this rule… but all i have is a little girl… so the seat stays down!
Comment from Cynthia
Time: August 17, 2007, 12:13 pm
That’s funny I have the same problem in my house as well, except my son is almost 12. There is nothing more nasty than having to sit on someone elses pee. His aim is never right. It’s almost as if peeing is a waste of time for him and he’s got better things to do so he rushes through the job. It’s not like I’m asking him to pee in a thimble he’s got an 18 inch wide bucket to use, and whats so hard about lifting up the toilet seat and puting it back down. It’s a wooden lid not a concrete cinder block. I’m considering getting a urinal. Or if I have to painting a target inside the toilet.
Comment from L.A. Daddy
Time: August 17, 2007, 1:23 pm
I’ve got the opposite way. I’m the only guy in a house full o’ estrogen. And I’ve got another girl on the way.
I’ll never see my bathroom again. Ever.
I think I’ll have to move out into the garage and install a bathroom there. It’s my only hope.
But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Comment from DJ Black Adam
Time: August 17, 2007, 1:37 pm
We have four sons, sometimes I feel sorry for my wife 
But then, whenever her and I are play fighting, I get jumped! So she has some benefits. lol
Comment from Kim
Time: August 19, 2007, 11:41 am
Hilarious! I don’t think men have any clue how gross it is to sit in someone else’s pee!!! But if women left their used maxi pads or tampons on the toliet, I bet you’d change your tune.
Comment from tara
Time: August 19, 2007, 5:30 pm
First time to your blog … read all the way back to pre-vacation … your son makes me laugh.
We have TWO bad aimers in this house 5 and 3 … I have no advice. I clean toilets non-stop. I have considered making them clean it … but really, who am I kidding? That’ll never work.
Comment from African American Directory
Time: August 28, 2007, 2:44 am
I read all the content in this page.
Comment from Laurene
Time: September 19, 2007, 9:20 pm
I have two boys, 5 & 7 and the same problem. One solution I have for home is putting a sign above the toilet that says “Please keep the bathroom smelling nice for a popsicle!”, then I put a clipart picture of a popsicle. They get a popsicle every day they keep the pee in the toilet and remember to flush, because that’s stinky too.
One of my friends has convinced her husband and two sons to sit at home when they pee. I think that’s emasculating and know my husband would never do that.
The boys bathrooms at their school are the worst. Sometimes they smell so bad I can’t even stand near them while waiting for my boys. The youngest one’s kindergarten teacher recently asked the parents to talk to their children about missed pee in the coed bathroom in her classroom as well as washing their hands every time. I’ll have to tell her about the duck tape target.
Comment from Stacy
Time: September 15, 2008, 8:30 am
It`s one thing if you miss, it`s completely different if you don`t clean it up!!!!!! That I think is most females biggest problem.
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